Brian Garside is an evil person. So evil, I’m registering the domain stopbriangarside.com (well, actually, I tried, but someone had already taken it).
Last night (Sunday) he said, ‘hey, why don’t you come over for dinner?’. I said ‘fantastic…Char won’t mind us just dropping in unannounced?’.
No, he said. Then reconsidered and said ‘okay, tomorrow’.
By tomorrow, he meant ‘never’. SOB. He said he’d have to bail. Wait a minute, you can’t bail when you’re the host. SOB again!
So here we are, now with no dinner.
Paige, in her hunger pains, has taken up heroine, as hungry people are apt to do. She is a shell of her former self. She has pawned all her puppies for another hit. Very sad. A spiral of madness (a quick spiral, which is amazing because she’s normally a dawdler).
Cordy, too small to use a needle, decided to drink herself silly. Not with booze. No, with water. The UNFILTERED water. The LEAD water. All that lead has stunted her development. Now, she has the intelligence of a 14 month old.
Kari has decided that since I can’t provide for her, she’d pick up someone from the food bank who can.
And what about me?
Well, I’m just hungry.
Damn you, Garside. Damn you to hell.
That sounds mighty delicious. Please have it delivered to the cottage where we’ll be. And aren’t you at a convention this weekend? Planning on ditching AGAIN, weren’t you?
BTW, why are you boiling chicken? Isn’t it already bland enough?
Yah Ryan but did you consider that the chicken might be accented with something exotic, like ketchup?
Yes, I know kids like to dance around yelling ‘yay! It’s boiled chicken, boiled chicken! Yay, it must be Christmas! Boiled chicken! Mom, can you boil some spinach for us too?!’
Happy Birthday Ryan, I am sorry you had to spend it with your strung out, lead intoxicated daughters and their new homeless psuedo step father.
On a serious note – not that the above isn’t serious – happy birthday! Hope you had/have a great day.
Leslie, Mike and Addie (heroin free)
You know, I was thinking last night that you guys wouldn’t be able to wait until we normally have dinner on weeknights anyway. We usually eat around 6 or 6:30, and I know that you guys eat about 5 (because you both get off work at 2 or something equally silly).
We’ll do the Thai Curry at our place on a weekend. Red Thai Curry, some snow peas, a little bamboo, maybe some pineapple to counteract the heat, all over a bed of coconut rice.
We’ll poach some chicken and veggies for the childuns, and all will be good.
For Memories of Brian Garside, throw burgers on the grill for 38 seconds a side on high. Burn each side but keep the middle, a heart pulsing pink.
Burgers Tar Tar
a la Garside.
Thanks a lot. I even made blueberry crepes with real whipping cream for dessert. Damn you Brian Garside!!!!
I said “A” weekend, not “THIS” weekend.
Boiled chicken + children = food they will actually eat?