In the game of roulette, the wheel has no memory. It doesn’t remember what was rolled the spin before. It doesn’t care whether fifteen reds in a row have come up. Each spin is independent of every roll before it.

Or so the math geeks would have you believe.

Lady Luck, however, hates math. She’s the hot chick who likes to tease you enough…but rarely lets you get ‘lucky’ with her. She flaunts what she has (oooo…imagine what would happen if the 10 comes in before the 7).

I reach out to touch her and she’ll smack my hand away (not to be confused with the roulette dealer who smacked my hand on Saturday night).

“Why haven’t I seen you around?” Luck asked me.

“I’ve been kind of busy.”

My response was pathetic, and she gave me the cold shoulder and decided to take my money. She didn’t even tease me. She just took it. “Here,” she whispered. “Just put it on the table”. So I did, and it was gone. Gone before the cocktail waitress could even bring me a drink.

Gambling sucks. It’s for suckers. Why am I even here?

But some ladies feel sympathy when you cry. The big crocodile tears makes them feel all motherly and stuff.

Not Lady Luck. She doesn’t give a crap about tears.

She does get jealous, however. When Lady Luck reached into my pocket for more cash, she found my Binion’s chip. My LUCKY Binions chip….oh, now she was suddenly interested in me. But I had moved on. I wasn’t interested in her anymore. So she does what any woman does when she’s trying to lure a man — she showed me her boobies.

Her boobies turned my $40 into $400 at the Craps table. Then turned my $25 at Roulette into $150. Then she turned my $40 into a $100 at the Excalibur craps table.

I love gambling. I wonder how Vegas can stay in business? The poor Lions at the MGM Grand are soon going to be starving if I keep winning like this.

Then I made a terrible mistake: I mistook my hands on her boobs as love (as most men will do).

“I LOVE YOU, Lady Luck.”

She gasped, made up a lame excuse (something about having to do a topless show at the Bellagio) and left.

Luck was gone. I knew it that moment. Every dollar put on the table would disappear. I tried to fight it a couple of times…but I finally shrugged my shoulders and decided that maybe I’m destined to be alone in this world.

Well, except for Binion. I don’t care that he’s a guy (or that he’s dead). He’ll never leave me.