For the e-test from my brand new old 1997 Malibu, I filled it with Ethanol to ensure I passed the e-test. Do I feel guilty? Not at all. Ethanol is the same price as regular, and can be bought down at Hammond Fuels on Hamilton street. The guy told me it was a zero emissions fuel, better mpg, and kept the engine clean. Wow, a miracle fuel!

Except it’s not. As my friend Eileen continues to intone: We’re all going to die. Ethanol was considered a great fuel initially. Made from corn, it would not only enrich our farmers, it was zero emissions, lowered our dependence on foreign oil (which is kind of ironic considering Canada is pretty much self sufficient and is the United State’s number one Exporter).

Of course, many already know that ethanol is far worse than oil. Sure, there are those tragic oil slicks that wipe out miles of pristine coastline. Instead, ethanol is causing food riots across the world. As the price of corn increases, so does the price of livestock (as their feed increases in price), and so do all the by-products.

One tankful of ethanol for the standard SUV is enough to feed a family for a year. Oops. Throw in the water requirements, and you’ve pretty much become Hitler to fill your tank.

You could switch to an electric car. Then you’re causing a drain on the power grid, which is dependent on coal. Causing emissions.

So how about a wind car? Except all those wind farms are causing migratory problems in local wildlife (and I’m not even going to touch on people calling them an eyesore…get over it).

Nuclear? Free with every fill-up, a radioactive waste pellet that will last 10,000 years.

So then I decide to buy a bicycle. Except it’s made in China (because everything is made in China) by tiny slave hands. And I’m supporting sweat shops and putting local workers out of business.

So yes, Eileen…we’re all going to die. Then we’re going to hell.