My tour of the top murder spots of Canada continued this past weekend…

In January, it was Edmonton. This time, it was in Winnipeg (I’m assuming that my next trip will be to the old stomping grounds of Jane and Finch).

So my little writing retreat was in Winnipeg. Yes, I know many of you gave me good advice. Such as ‘don’t get mugged’, ‘watch out for the mosquitoes’, and ‘if the river floods, you’re on your own’.

But you know what? Winnipeg is actually beautiful. Seriously. There’s like trees and stuff. I had visions of York University (flat, nondescript bunkers…and that’s about it). Now, don’t worry. I made sure Bev kept our speed up and the doors were locked at all times so I can assure that this story doesn’t end with a mugging. (editors note: yes, I realize how stupid it would be for a guy who actually lived at Jane and Finch to be worried in a city like Winnipeg…but I think they’re all slightly crazy.)

I also noticed that Winnipeg has money. Was it the houses? Cars? Nope. Boob jobs. Which I appreciated.

Now I will say that the rest of Canada dislikes Ontario. Why? Because we’re like Americans and don’t pay attention to anyone else. Do you know that outside of Ontario they actually WATCH CBC? Seriously. I know, kind of scary.

But Winnipeg was a perfect example that this is merely human nature (ignoring the smaller guy, not watching CBC — that definitely isn’t natural). They have something called the Floodway…pretty much diverting water around Winnipeg when the rivers overflow…and yup, you guessed it…diverting the water on its way to flood smaller communities downstream (Guess they should’ve had their own floodway).

From Winnipeg, it was off to Victoria Beach. A beach. In the middle of the prairies. Cool. White sand beach actually. Of course, there were still ice bergs floating in the water (okay, I lied…global warming took care of them) but it was too cold to swim.

Luckily, the cottage had a hot tub. Which, when combined with Rum and Cokes, was quite nice.

As for mosquitoes…well, there were a few. As in millions. Once the door to the mini-van opened, it was us versus them. They pretty much won. I have bites on the bottoms of my feet. I have never seen so many mosquitoes…not even at the old cottage in North Bay. CRAZY. Still, I think I gave enough blood to support several generations of the little guys.

All in all, I give Winnipeg a big thumbs up (Another Editor’s note: this is a thumbs up for summer…I’m not going anywhere near that place in winter)