My how time flies when kids are howling at you for a year (plus the nearly three and half years that Paige has been howling). Here is a look back at the highlights of the past year. There have been some terrific highs…and some not so low-lows.

Day of Birth — Doctor catches Cordy, barely. Paige comes running in with scissors, asking if she can cut the cord (no pun intended). “Can I help?” she asks. Seems to be a bit past her bedtime, but what the hell. Or maybe it was all a sleepless delusion — just getting me ready for the next few months of hell…errr, I mean bliss.

1 Week Birthday — waiting for colic to begin. Because all kids have colic. Seriously, who does this twice? Or if you’re Roman Catholic, who does this fifteen times?

1 Month Birthday — Still no colic. I keep calling telehealth asking when my baby will explode but they don’t seem to have an answer. I make sure not to leave a call back number.

3 Month Birthday — Colic hits with a fury. No, wait, that’s me throwing a temper tantrum (I’m being polictically correct — it’s actually Kari throwing a tantrum…something about lack of sleep). All is good. You know, life is just too easy. Hey, Kari, why don’t we move? You know, do another renovation? Fantastic. Besides, it’s not like Cordy can move. She just lays there. Seriously, can’t she do anything? Like a trick? I love showing people ‘kid tricks’. I can tell the people who already have kids, because, well, they’re never impressed with tricks.

6 Month Birthday — Cordy now knows how to shore up a load bearing structure, build headers for first floor doorways in a balloon frame, and also how to sit without use of the bumbo. Yay!

8 Month Birthday — Crawling begins. She’s also using power tools. They kind of go hand in hand. Crawling. Hmmm. Does she always move that much? I’ve taught Cordy some tricks. Everyone is really impressed with all her new tricks. I mean, really impressed. Like they’ve never seen a kid wave bye-bye.

1 Year Birthday Man, cake does feel good between the fingers, doesn’t it? What you don’t see is me licking the cake off her fingers. It’s already goo-ified so I don’t have to chew. Nice.

Happy First Birthday!